Colin's Long Walk - Part 1

Contrary to popular belief, the date is not dead among gay people.

Rest assured its existence is by no means safe, or common, but the date does exist. It is hard to maintain such a thing, in a community where sex on the first date is considered to be a norm, but there are those of us who still try to have a proper date, where you do romantic things and it’s not all just a big night of foreplay before getting into the bedroom.

Unfortunately, I chose to date someone who doesn’t subscribe to these same beliefs, and so my “date” with Xander turned out to be meeting him for the world’s quickest alcoholic beverage before having the world’s quickest walk drive back to his place followed by the world’s quickest sex. Those who maintain that romance isn’t dead need to take a look at Xander...as fun as the guy is, would it kill him to actually spend some time in conversation that isn’t just taking place on the way to and from the bedroom?

I know...I’m asking a lot. The fact that I put out at every turn doesn’t help me champion the cause of romance either does it? But hey everyone is human and unfortunately male hormones are something that are incredibly hard to overcome when faced with attractive men offering to do dirty, dirty things to you. At least I think about saying no...which counts for something?

Anyway, it was after the eggtimer went *ting* and Xander had finished the world’s quickest, least, satisfying sex ever had by people who weren’t lesbians or involving a man with a penis less than 4 inches big, I decided it was time for bed. It is a well used strategy of men in relationships to simply pretend to be asleep not long after sex, in order to avoid having conversations about the quality of the sex, or worse, other non-sex related topics. Contrary to what had happened while I wasn’t wearing any clothes, this was the point where I chose to be the man in the relationship.

Xander however, knowing this trick employed by many men, including him at least twice over the previous two weeks, decided this would be a good point to initiate at least three different types of conversation, the most exciting of which was.

“Colin, let’s break up?”

Here follows the world’s quickest breakup, the world’s quickest punch to the face, the world’s quickest “I hate you and never want to see you again” speech, the world’s quickest getting dressed, and the world’s quickest storming out of the house. The Guiness Records people must have been busy if they were following me around tonight.

So as I walked rather quickly along the street in the dark, turning corners at random intervals just in case Xander had decided following me in his car was an intelligent idea (it wasn’t, I’d picked up some rocks from his neighbour’s garden), I realised quite a few things.

Firstly, I was single again, and despite the many perks of the deal, I kind of hated being single.
Next came the sudden feeling of loneliness, despair and need for alcohol. This was followed by remembering I had left my jacket at Xander’s house, and a jacket is really handy when it’s freezing cold. Then came the wish that I had driven to Xander’s house in my car and not his, because I was actually quite a ways away from home, and walking the length of Chapel St at night can sometimes be a dangerous prospect.

I also really wished I had that jacket. It was a nice jacket. Went with everything. And was bloody warm too. A jacket like that is probably harder to get than a boyfriend.

About three or four blocks into my walk I calmed down. After all, it’s very hard to walk quickly in the freezing cold as an emotional wreck, where as a calm person is able to walk quickly and with purpose and contemplate the meaning of warms jackets in peace. So this is what I did.
Chapel St is one of those odd roads. While Commercial Road is hip and happening in fag-land,

Chapel St is a centre of straight “get drunk and/or laid” culture. From one end of apartments, through to paint shops and then cafes and then shops and then clubs and bars, it is one long stretch of entertainment pretty much non-stop. And while Commercial Rd is a fairly short street, quickly disappearing into Malvern Rd not long after it begins; Chapel St stretches either way far beyond where it is cool to be.

Of course the cool part of Chapel St is incredibly long, and just before midnight on a Thursday, not very much excitement is happening. What’s worse, is that there are so many food shops, all of which serve incredibly good food, and all of them are closed. Dinner was such a long time ago, and sex, anger and walking are all activities that use up quite a bit of energy. It is at times like this when a 24hr Hungry Jacks across the road from your house comes in handy.

With the thought of chips in mind, what was beginning to feel like an endlessly long walk becomes shorter and shorter as the glowing fast food sign can be seen in the distance. Plus, all the walking would have worked off whatever I was going to eat, so no matter how much I buy I’m still going to be healthy.

Oh, and I’d been dumped less than an hour earlier. If a boy needs an excuse for junk food, that is in the top ten.